©2004 May not be reproduced in any form without written permissio of the author. This includes publishing at other websites.
After Larry's tour as an Apache helicopter crew chief, he came up with a novel solution to radar traps. Radar seeking missiles!
Letters and Numbers
"Got any 320s?" is a common question. Then I have to play 20 questions to figure out what the customer wants to see. We have a lot of 320s, a lot of 500s, several "Kompressors," etc. Here's how Mercedes nomenclature works:
Series have letters. Current series are:
C-Class (think Compact Class)
E-Class (think Executive Class)
S-Class (think Super Class)
CL-Class - Coupe, Luxury Class
CLK-Class - Coupe, Luxury, Short (Kurz)
SL-Class - Sports, Luxury
SLK-Class - Sports, Luxury, Short (Kurz)
ML-Class - Multipurpose Class
G-Class - Gelandewagen is where G came from.
Upcoming:
CLS-Class (think Coupe Like Sedan)
GST Class - Grand Sport Touring. For all I know it might be called something else. That's what the show car prototype is called.
CST Class - Compact Sport Touring.
Not coming: Anything with "VISION" in the name. That means it's a show car and will never see production in show car form.
Numbers:
Normally the numbers indicate the size of the engine in liters. 320 = 3.2 liter. 500 = 5 liter. Exceptions:
C240 - the engine is 2.6 liters. There is, in Europe a C260 diesel, so they had to find another number.
C230 - The original engine was 2.3 liters. In supercharged form it reached 192 hp. It was replaced by a 1.8 liter, 189 hp. supercharged engine. Gas mileage improved drastically at the cost of 3 hp. It seemed to be a good trade. It's been wildly successful.
ML350-It has a 3.7 liter engine, but since the new engine for 2005 will be a 3.5 liter (268 hp!) engine, they didn't want to confuse things. Anyway, Americans like bigger numbers. Going from 560SL to 500SL was too much for some people. Mercedes learned its lesson.
Then there's Kompressor.
This is not the name of a car. This is a note that the engine is supercharged. Kompressor = supercharger. A supercharger is a belt driven (or gear driven in other applications), self-contained air compressor that compresses the intake charge. Fuel burns at about 14 parts air to one part fuel. Double the amount of air coming into the cylinders, and you can double the fuel and thus increase horsepower dramatically. Drive the car gently, and the Kompressor doesn't do much, so gas mileage in economy mode is superior to an unsupercharged engine of the same horsepower.
AMG Nomenclature
AMG was founded in 1967 by Hans Werner Aufrecht and Erhard Melcher in Grossapach, Germany. (Thus AMG) They formed their own race team in 1971. This developed into a racing partnership with Mercedes-Benz in 1988. They won their first racing championship in 1991 with a 190E and again in 1994. Mercedes-Benz bought a controlling interest in 1996. Currently the hottest Mercedes are ones with AMG on the trunklid. They get their own 2 digit nomenclature. A C55 has a 5.5 liter V-8. An SL55 Kompressor has a 5.5 liter SUPERCHARGED V-8. The proper nomenclature always includes AMG, such as CL55 Kompressor AMG, or SLK55 AMG.
If you see AMG on a Mercedes with a 3 digit number, it's not an AMG product. We'll sell AMG badges to anyone with money. If you see a Mercedes with 4 numbers, 1000 or 5500, the customer bought extra numbers. We don't use 4 digit numbers.
GST Vision R
Vision B and Vision R
Two Sports Tourer Concept Cars Herald New Market Segments
PARIS At the Paris Auto Show, Mercedes-Benz unveiled two innovative concept cars, offering a preview of all-new production models that will be launched in the United States in 2005. Both the Vision B and Vision R are the latest expressions of the Mercedes-Benz "Sports Tourer" concept vehicles which offer impressive interior space, comfort and practicality with a sharp focus on safety, spirited performance and dynamic handling.
Each design study combines the advantages of a sports sedan, SUV and wagon in one versatile vehicle to create an entirely new automotive category. Both the Compact Sports Tourer Vision B and Grand Sports Tourer Vision R provide an unusually impressive combination of features the comfort and style of a luxury vehicle, the performance and handling of a fine sports sedan along with the versatility of an SUV. Innovative design and useful technology now make possible an automotive decathlete a vehicle that excels at an unprecedented range of owner needs without sacrificing aesthetics.
Compact Sports Tourer Vision B
A front-mounted, transverse engine-transmission unit and an unusual double "sandwich" floor gives the bold Vision B the interior room and crashworthiness of a larger sedan or wagon nearly 70 percent of its body length is available for occupants and their luggage. The Paris show car is powered by a newly designed, superclean four-cylinder diesel that can achieve more than 40 miles per gallon.
Grand Sports Tourer Vision R
The Grand Sports Tourer Vision R incorporates three pairs of comfortable seats finished in leather in a spacious interior trimmed with aluminum and olive ash wood. The concept's single seats in both rear rows can be individually folded down, and the rear center console can be quickly and easily removed.
The Grand Sports Tourer Vision R show car also features a new-generation three-liter V6 diesel engine with CDI electronic fuel injection that produces 218 horsepower and, even more impressive, 376 lb.-ft. of torque more than many V8 powerplants. For additional information on the Grand Sports Tourer Vision R concept, visit http://www.mbusa.com/grandsportstourer.
Mercedes-Benz USA and Saks
MONTVALE, NJ - Mercedes-Benz USA and Saks Fifth Avenue have partnered to offer a one-of-a-kind ultimate holiday gift package featuring the new 2006 Mercedes-Benz CLS500. All proceeds from the sale of this package will benefit Reading Is Fundamental (RIF), the nation's leading children's literacy organization which provides new, free books and other literary resources to children each year. Saks Fifth Avenue's annual "The Gift" holiday catalogue will feature this exclusive gift package, providing the opportunity to bid on the eagerly awaited 2006 Mercedes-Benz CLS500 four-door coupe while also supporting an important cause.
Bidding for the CLS500 holiday gift package begins at $75,000, to commence on November 1 and to conclude on November 11, 2004. Auction bids are placed by calling (toll-free) 1-866-695-7257.
Included in the package is a custom-designed European Delivery Rally Tour, which begins once the customer has picked-up their CLS500 from the Mercedes-Benz factory in Sindelfingen, Germany. The self-guided 6-day, 5-night European Delivery Rally Tour passes through storied and picturesque locales such as Germany's Black Forest and the Austrian Alps and concludes in scenic Munich. First Class round-trip air travel from any U.S. city is included, as are hotel accommodations for two in exclusive venues selected for their highly rated service, amenities and cuisine.
Upon completion of the European Delivery Rally Tour, the winning customer's Mercedes-Benz CLS500 will be transported back to the United States, and upon arrival its trunk will be packed with luxury "Travel Booty" to include; Louis Vuitton Keepall duffel; CSX Diamond Chronograph by Michelle Watch; Jimmy Choo Classic Hobo Bag; three cashmere throws by Amicale; an assortment from Saks' exclusive SKII skin care line; Cartier keychain; set of Assouline books in a leather Coach carrier; Smythson leather travel book, portfolio, and passport covers; Cole Haan sherling boots; MAG Poncho; Victorinox sweater; Swiss Army "Alliance Traveler" watch; his and hers Gucci sunglasses; and a Tumi suitcase.
The 2006 CLS500 combines the sexy, sleek and emotional design of a coupe with the comfort and access of four doors. Its trendsetting exterior profile is paired with exclusive interior appointments, aggressive performance and ground-breaking technology. The CLS-Class will arrive in the U.S. market early next year, and demand is expected to outpace supply.
About Reading Is Fundamental (RIF)
Founded in 1966, RIF reaches youth through a national, grassroots network of 450,000 community volunteers at 25,000 RIF program sites. This year over 5 million children are provided with 16.5 million new, free books and other essential literacy resources each year. For more information and to access reading resources, visit RIF's website at www.rif.org.
G55 AMG
The new and improved G55 AMG was just released. At the heart of the 2005 G55 AMG Kompressor is the hand built, supercharged 5.5 liter AMG engine, producing an exhilarating 469 hp and 516 ft. lb. of torque.
A number of features have been updated for the 2005 G55 AMG. In addition to the AMG 5.5 liter "Kompressor" V8 engine, the suspension system compliance has been improved. There are 2 special exterior paint colors in addition to all other G-Class paints, designo Graphite and Platinum blue. There are 2 choices of interior colors: Charcoal Nappa leather with grey cross stitching, and Silver Nappa leather with black cross-stitching.
The brakes are huge 13.8" slotted discs in front and 13.0" discs in the back.
Special "Kompressor" badging has been added to confuse the enemy.
Window Curtain airbag for 1st and 2nd row seating areas.
The 2nd row Center seat now has a shoulder belt.
The power steering has been improved.
Base price is $99,900.
Miscellaneous Ravings
Women's Cars
Women control $3.3 trillion in annual consumer spending
Women make 62% of all car purchases
Women take more than 50% of all business trips
Women control more than 50% of all the personal wealth in this country.
(WomensWallStreet.com)
And yet there are salesmen who assume a woman alone can't buy. More and more the first time a man realizes his wife has bought a car is when it shows up in the driveway. And why not?
Quotes
"Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration."
Thomas Edison
"Eighty percent of success is showing up."
Woody Allen
"You miss 100% of the shots you never take."
Wayne Gretzky
Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.
Mahatma Gandhi
"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them."
Thomas Jefferson
"Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell."
Bob Boze Bell
Ann Coulter Quote of the Month:
CBS was forced to run a fake story so early in the campaign that it was exposed as a fraud only because of the Swift Boat vets. These brave men, many of them decorated war heroes, have now not only won the election for Bush, they have ended Dan Rather's career.
It's often said that we never lost a battle in Vietnam, but that the war was lost at home by a seditious media demoralizing the American people. Ironically, the leader of that effort was Rather's predecessor at CBS News, Walter Cronkite, president of the Ho Chi Minh Admiration Society.
It was Cronkite who went on air and lied about the Tet offensive, claiming it was a defeat for the Americans. He told the American people the war was over and we had lost. Ronald Reagan said CBS News officials should have been tried for treason for those broadcasts.
CBS has already lost one war for America. The Swift Boat Vets weren't going to let CBS lose another one.
(As of mid-October Ms. Coulter's prediction of a Bush victory seems optimistic, I fear.)
Misinformation from TV
A Mercedes S-Class has a 62" wheelbase.
CSI Miami, Sept. 22, 2004.
No. The wheelbase is 121.5". That's the distance between the front and rear wheels. The TRACK is 62". That's the Width, measured at the tires.
Seatbelts
Consider that in 1997 in North Dakota, 103 people died in a total of 88 fatal accidents on state roads. Of those 103 victims, 77 were riding in cars equipped with seat belts but were not wearing them. Thirty-four of the 88 fatal accidents were one-vehicle rollovers. Rollovers are among the most dangerous types of accidents for unrestrained drivers and passengers, since so many of them are thrown out of their vehicles. For instance, 27 people were thrown out and killed in North Dakota's 1997 accidents.
Snopes.com
CBS
Phony news is not a new thing at CBS. Does anyone remember when 60 Minutes did its hatchet job on Audi? They cost Audi 1 BILLION dollars and almost bankrupted it. It still hasn't recovered. CBS never apologized.
For those of you who don't remember, CBS filmed an Audi that had been tampered with so it would accelerate without driver input in order to prove that Audis were possessed and needed to be exorcised. 3 different gumments (US, Canada, Japan) concluded that unintended acceleration was because drivers put their feet on the accelerator instead of the brake. People died. The drivers didn't want to admit it was their fault. Now cars have failsafes to prevent that. If your foot isn't on the brake you can't get it out of park. If your foot isn't on the brake you can't start a manual transmission car.
Let's see, they settled out of court with General Westmoreland for enough to cost them their liability insurance after they did a hatchet job on him. Then they had a special on burned out "Vietnam Vets" who were never in Vietnam. And people are watching them because?
Lexus Air Bags
In your last newsletter, you mentioned a woman who thought that Lexus had side torso bags. There is a US Govt (and I know how you trust them) website, http://www.safercar.gov that lists every vehicle, by make, model, and year with a section on head protection front and rear plus torso front and rear. If you look, Mercedes destroys everybody in that area. Plus it would show her that Lexus ES330 only covers the head.
Mark Fraser
FW:
Okay, you're forwarding that neat thing you got in your E-mail to everyone you know. Would it kill you before you forward it to delete the addresses of the 400 people it was forwarded to before and the notes from the 16 people it was forwarded through? Jeez.
Also, if it ends with instructions to forward it to 10 people or you will go to Hell in a handbasket, I promise it will be forwarded to no one. In fact, I will delete it as soon as I see those instructions. I suggest you do the same.
"I have no Spare Tire!"
On two consecutive days customers were complaining that their cars had no spare tires. In both cases the tire was right where it was supposed to be. Most of our cars have skinny spares now, and there is room for a real spare. The unused space is taken up with a styrofoam organizer (C and CLK) or a fitted cover (E). Remove those items, and the spare tire is below.
Reasons for Skinny Spares
1. Spare tires deteriorate in the trunk. A 5 year old full-sized spare should be thrown away and replaced. If it is a full-sized tire on a stock wheel, just have it put on the ground when you buy your first new set, and buy 3 tires. If it is a full-sized tire on a "spare" wheel, have the tire put on one of your stock wheels and the least worn tire mounted on the spare wheel when you buy new tires. Skinny/blow up tires won't be driven at high speeds or for long periods, so old ones are okay if used within design specs.
2. Saves space. That's why they call them space savers. Some cars, like SLKs, wouldn't have much trunk space if they had to carry a full-sized tire.
3. Cars have staggered wheels and tires often. Which one do you carry? The answer is: front. It'll fit on the back, but the car will be unbalanced. Try not to forget that. You won't forget the little skinny spare.
4. Saves weight.
5. Saves money.
Reasons to put in a real spare tire:
1. You drive from Houston to Florida and back weekly.
2. You can't stand the looks of a car with the skinny spare on the ground, even for a day
3. You'd like to spend $500 on something.
Loaner Car Program Change at OTHER Mercedes Dealers
Our loaner car program hasn't changed. Currently we will provide a $30/day Enterprise Car (on premises). Customer pays the taxes, about $6/day. If you want a nicer car, you only have to pay the upcharge ($10 for a Volvo, for example).
The store to our north charged $40/day.
The store to our south limits their loaners to people who bought the car from them and who have an appointment. They cut their rental car fleet in half.
Yes, Lexus still has its excellent loaner car program. People who buy loaners instead of the car they're driving should buy Lexus. With any luck you'll need it once a year with a new Mercedes. The Lexus loaner car program is funded by Lexus USA. I am aware that Mercedes-Benz USA should fund a similar program, but, as you all know, I have no influence at Mercedes-Benz USA. I'm pretty sure they don't know I exist outside of the training department.
But if Mercedes had the Lexus loaner car program, every Mercedes dealer in the US would be selling every car they could get before the cars hit the ground.
Letters
Thank you so much for all your assistance in the purchase of our new car. Besides being extremely knowledgeable about Mercedes-Benz products, you are also a terrific, all-around great guy.
We look forward to many more chances to work with you again as the boys get older and drive off with our used cars.
Diane Zachry
(The lady who wrote the next letter discovered a tire on her new "Tennis" Car, meaning a car used in a Mercedes-Benz sponsored Tennis tournament, had apparently had a flat and then had the tire repaired, a fact we didn't know when we sold the car. She had problems with the tire and called us to tell us that she had to buy a new tire. I asked her to send a receipt, and we sent her a check. If things always went well, it wouldn't matter where you bought your car.)
I wanted to stop a minute in my busy schedule to thank you and the dealership for handling my patched tire leak so promptly.
As we discussed, things happen that can't be explained. However, the way you handled the situation was very professional. My issue was addressed with concern and promptness, which was greatly appreciated by my husband and me.
We received our check the next day. Thank you again for all you do, and we look forward to your monthly newsletter.
The Knippels of Pearland
Computer Upgrade
I finally gave up and ordered the latest system upgrade for the Big Mac w/cheese. In order to be able to use Microsoft Orifice, the basic suite I use for 70% of my computer work, I had to have Orifice 2004. It was delayed. Thus I had the system and PageMaker 7.0 sitting in the box for weeks. Finally it all arrived, and one morning I installed it all. Now a week later and 128 hours on the phone with Microsoft Support, Macintosh Support (now there's an oxymoron), and EV1.Net support, most of my programs are working almost as well as they were before. Of all of the upgrades I've been through with Mac, this one has been the most problematic and has yielded the least improvement. System 10.3.5 was designed by drunken chimpanzees. It's so bad Microsoft could have designed it.
The reason for the upgrade was spam filtering. No aftermarket spam filtering was available for system 9, and 10 came with spam filtering, and so did Orifice 2004.
So, when I got everything set up I couldn't figure out why I was getting 550 spam e-mails a day. Nothing was getting filtered out. Phone calls to tech support garnered me nice conversations with experts in Deli and Bangladesh. After several days of this one finally found something implanted in Mailing List Manager that I didn't put there, snuck in by a website, that allowed everything in. Now it's fixed.
Most of my e-mail goes to the deleted file automatically. Some goes to the SPAM file. If you want to make sure I get your e-mail, and you haven't e-mailed me before, put NEWSLETTER in the subject. I'll get it.
Cats and Dog
"There is no such thing as an ordinary cat."
Colette
Some of you ask about the zoo every time you come by. Browning, who is sixteen, is on a heart medication and one for a degenerative spinal disease. We carry him up and down stairs, and pick him up to sit on the chair with us. He's not supposed to jump up and down. He doesn't know that, and when the medicine is working, he's as spry as he ever was (as Maverick, the black lab he ran off can attest). So that he can get on and off the bed I built a ramp. He's pretty good about using it, too.
Emerald, the female shaded silver Persian, is 9. She is thoroughly addicted to Pounce Cat treats. Thus she will come when I shake the bag. She will greet me when I come home. She will beg for Pounce in the morning and at night, and she sleeps on the foot of the bed and starts begging for Pounce as soon as I wake up. She has no particular health problems but gets senior food.
Arthur Pendragon, the smart-alec kid of the group, born April 22 of last year, has grown up to be a beautiful, almost perfect Shaded Silver Persian specimen. Apparently he knows it. He isn't addicted to Pounce despite my efforts and Emerald's best efforts (addicts make the best pushers). Thus he won't come when called, ignores me most of the night, and doesn't particularly want to be picked up or petted except occasionally and only on his terms. In other words, he is behaving like a cat.
Ten Commandments of 21st Century Driving
I. Thou shalt not crowd. Tailgating other cars is one of the most dangerous things you can do in heavy traffic. Stopping at a light with the car's nose way over the white line, especially in the left lane, so that cars turning left in front of you from the road on the right have to go out of their lane to avoid hitting you is annoying at best, dangerous to all concerned at worst. These are examples of crowding. When you and the car in front of you are changing lanes, accelerating to try to keep him from changing lanes is seriously stupid. Let him in.
II. Thou shalt not weave. Weaving in heavy traffic is almost as dangerous as tailgating. Doing both squares the sin in stupidity factor.
III. Thou shalt go with the flow. If the left lane is going 15 mph over the speed limit and you want to be in the left lane, speed up or stay out. If they're going slower than the speed limit, just sit there.
IV. Thou shalt not pass on the right capriciously. The left lane is for passing. Pass on the right only under severe duress.
V. Thou shalt not drive distracted. Reading, eating, talking on the phone and having sex while driving is a bit too much. Pick one thing and do it. Most accidents involve distracted drivers.
VI. Thou shalt be unprovokable. If another car cuts you off, turn the proverbial cheek by backing off to a safe following distance. Making obscene gestures, cursing, and looking for ways to get even escalate an every day occurrence to a dangerous level.
VII. Thou shalt not drive aggressively. The fastest car on the road, the one zigzagging through heavy traffic, the tailgater and giver of obscene gestures shall not enter the gates of Heaven.
VIII. Thou shalt not speed in residential areas. Speeding on rural freeways intelligently is not a sin, no matter what the nice DPS revenue collector might say. Rural freeway speed limits are set artificially low for revenue collection purposes. Residential speed limits should be scrupulously obeyed. Thou shalt not foul thy own nest. If residential speed limits should be scrupulously obeyed, this is doubled within a couple of miles of your house. Neighbors never forget an evil driver.
IX. Thou shalt let other drivers in. God did not ordain you the keeper of the holy line. If someone is signaling, let him in. If he is an ass and doesn't signal but sticks his nose in your lane, let him in. Time spent driving politely is not deducted from your allotted lifespan. Time spent driving boorishly or dangerously is.
X. Thou shalt drive within your capabilities, the weather, and the cars around you. Bad drivers drive as fast in bad weather as they do in good weather. Good drivers slow down in the wet. The laws of physics cannot be broken.
Curt Rich October 2004
.Last year's ticket means this year's fine
08:00 AM CDT on Thursday, September 30, 2004
By CHRISTY HOPPE / The Dallas Morning News
AUSTIN - Last year's traffic tickets are about to set off sirens in mailboxes of nearly 200,000 Texas motorists. They're about to get notices that they owe the state hefty, newly imposed fines - in some cases thousands of dollars. Together, the drivers already owe the state $67 million. Those who don't pay up will lose their licenses.
"It's in their best interest for drivers to respond promptly to these letters," said Col. Thomas A. Davis Jr., Department of Public Safety director.
About 5,000 notices a day began going out this week, telling drivers they owe surcharges from $100 for driving without a license to $1,000 for driving while intoxicated. The surcharges are in addition to any fines connected with the infraction.
Drivers have 30 days after receiving the notice to pay, set up a payment schedule or lose their driving privileges.
The new law, which went into effect in September 2003, was touted by cash-strapped state legislators as a way to make unsafe drivers pay for highway improvements and hospital emergency rooms.
Gov. Rick Perry, speaking at Parkland Memorial Hospital on Wednesday, said revenues from the surcharges could provide $1 billion to trauma centers over the next five years. "Drunken and dangerous drivers can know that they will face stiff consequences in Texas," Mr. Perry said. "And law-abiding Texans can know that we are not only discouraging bad behavior with stiff penalties, but using the proceeds of poor judgment to benefit their loved ones when they are hurt in an accident."
But some defense lawyers said the new law is likely to place a greater burden on courts as drivers start to contest infractions to avoid a new set of costly penalties. Or they'll get their licenses suspended, but continue to drive.
"I think it's going to be a hardship on people. A lot of these people are not rich," said Ian Inglis, an Austin attorney who has handled driving infractions for more than two decades.
Those convicted of DWI already face $2,000 fines, supervisory fees, counseling payments, court costs, lawyer fees and the expense of losing their license and finding other transportation, he said.
"They keep piling it on," Mr. Inglis said. "This could be anyone. This could be your son, daughter, your friend." In addition, he said one of the most common offenses involve people driving without licenses. "And there's about to be a whole new bunch of them," Mr. Inglis said.
The DPS said drivers who hit the road with a revoked license face arrest for a Class B misdemeanor. Among those who already owe the state:
Facing a $250 surcharge are 114,010 people without insurance and 6,000 who drove with suspended licenses.
Looking at $100 fines will be 47,529 people for driving without a license.
More than 23,000 people will be tagged for $1,000 for DWI-related incidents. (The DWI fee increases to $2,000 if the blood alcohol concentration exceeds .16 twice the legal limit.)
In addition to those 200,000 notices, other drivers are receiving notice that they have been assigned "points" that begin to result in fines when the driver accumulates six.
Under the new law, moving violations are assigned two points. A violation that results in an accident gets three points. Notices just started going out after a new vendor, Municipal Services Bureau, completed the computer software for mailing and collecting the fees.
E-mail choppe@dallasnews.com <mailto:choppe@dallasnews.com>
Some questions and answers about the state's Driver Responsibility Law
Question: How does the law work?
Answer: It established a system that assigns "points" to drivers for some moving violations. When a driver gets at least six points, additional fines start to kick in on top of whatever fines are owed for the initial ticket. For some violations, there are no points but very stiff fines.
Question: How long will a point stay on my driving record?
Answer: Three years. All convictions since Sept. 1, 2003, will count.
Question: How many points can I get for a conviction?
Answer: Two points will be assigned for moving violations that occur in Texas or other states. You get three points if the violation results in a crash. There are no points assigned for seat belt convictions or for speeding less than 10 percent over the posted limit.
Question: How much are the fines?
Answer: That depends on the violation. When you get six points during a three-year period, the surcharge is $100, plus $25 for each additional point. Certain serious violations - DWI, driving without insurance or driving without a license - bring much steeper penalties annually for three years. Get two DWIs and you're looking at fines of $2,500 a year for three years.
Question: Who gets the money?
Answer: Under the law, about half goes to Texas hospitals and the other half to a fund for highway projects.
Question: How will I know if I owe a surcharge?
Answer: The Department of Public Safety has started mailing out 5,000 letters a day. The letter will go to the last address you had on file with the DPS.
Question: How long do I have to pay?
Answer: You have 30 days from the notice to pay or have your license revoked until you pay.
Question: Where can I get more information?
Answer: Go to www.txdps.state.tx.us <http://www.txdps.state.tx.us>. Click on "New Texas Driving Laws" and then "Driver Responsibility Program."
SOURCE: Texas Department of Public Safety
Online at:
http://www.dallasnews.com/s/dws/wfaa/latestnews/stories/093004dntexfines.9ef0.html
From Jim Baxter, National Motorists Association:
A good example of how divorced from reality elected officials can become.
Context: It's estimated that one out of every seven drivers
does not have a valid license, usually because it has been suspended or
revoked for financially related reasons; unpaid fines, no insurance, can't
procure insurance, violations unrelated to driving, and alimony disputes
are common examples. One half of the drivers who lose their license related
to DUI violations never apply to have their licenses reinstated, usually
because they can't meet the financial sanctions or they are unable to afford
insurance, a requirement for obtaining a license. How do legislators respond
to this conundrum; by piling on more fines, fees, penalties and surcharges!
The state of Michigan has created a similar albatross, supposedly following
the lead of New Jersey
Jokes
With the fate of the Free World resting in the hands of the American electorate, times are too serious for much other than some mindless jokes:
INNER PEACE
I am passing this on to you because it has definitely worked for me...and as we start a new school year we all could use a little calm. By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace. The article read: "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started" So I looked around the house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished .... and before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine, the Bailey's, Kahlua and Wild Turkey, the Prozac, some valium, some cheesecake and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freakin' good I feel...
Are you a Democrat, Republican, or Southern Republican?
Question: How do you tell the difference between democrats, republicans and southern republicans?
Answer: Pose the following question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Democrat's Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or Oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to consensus.
Republican Answer: BANG!
Southern Republican's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click....(sounds of reloading). BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click. Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester SilverTips?"
A guy is driving across country trying to get home for Christmas. As he passes through Mississippi he sees a Nativity Pageant and notices the three wise men are dressed as firemen.
He stops and asks, "Hey--why are you guys dressed up like that?" to which the biggest bubba replies, "You yankees sure are dumb. It says right here in the song that three strangers came from afar."
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental!?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's
gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich." laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. "It was wonderful." explained the woman, "Not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the hairdresser,
"That's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because, as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope alked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me." "Oh, really! What'd he say?"
He said, "Where'd you get the lousy hairdo?"
A small disagreement ensued, which rapidly became a large one. They decided to settle the matter then and there using the historical accouterments at hand. Donning armor and chain mail, they prepared for a battle to the death. This attracted the attention of the rest of the tour group, who crowded around for a better look. Inasmuch as the combatants were in period dress, the people couldn't tell one from another.
"Is that the Czech wearing the armor?" asked one tourist. "No," replied another, "The Greek is in the armor. The Czech is in the mail."
Mississippi State Police
A young man was pulled over by the Mississippi State Police for speeding. The officer stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to the young man's window. "What chew driving so fast for boy? You going to a fahhr? Let me see your license, boy." The young man handed over his license.
Then the officer noticed that the back seat of the car was full of large knives. The officer said, "Tell me boy, why you got them knives on that there back seat?" The young man replied, "Well sir, I'm a juggler."
The officer spat some tobacco juice and then he said, "A juggler; well you don't say. Boy, put cha hands on the trunk of yer car; you going to jail!"
The young man pleaded with the officer not to take him to jail. He offered to prove to the officer that he was a juggler by way of demonstration. He said, "You can even hold me at gunpoint while I juggle for you." The officer reluctantly allowed him to prove his point while he held him at gunpoint.
Two miles down the road at Joe's Tavern, Billy Bub was drinking it up with Jerry Lee Jones. Billy Bub soon left and got into his old, rusty pickup truck. He proceeded down the road trying his best to stay on the right side. All of a sudden Billy Bub spotted the most unbelievable sight of his life! He drove to the nearest phone booth and dialed the number for Joe's Tavern and asked for his buddy, Jerry Lee.
When Jerry Lee got on the phone, Billy Bub said, "Whatever you do when you leave that tavern, don't go north on route 109. The state police are giving a sobriety test that nobody can pass!"
Vote Early and Often. Otherwise the joke will be on us.