GERMAN ROADS

There are 3 types of roads in Germany:

1. Crowded Autobahns

2. Crowded, twisty back roads

3. Overcrowded, ill-marked city streets

Trust me, there are no other kinds of roads.

The Owner's Manual, which, no doubt, you have studied before going to Germany to pick up the car, tells you to be gentle with the far virgin for the first 1,000 miles, and especially the first 60 miles, which should be driven gently in order to break in the tires.

But the instructions for the Black Forest-Alps Rallye put you on the autobahn just after you leave the factory.

When you get on the autobahn with your brand-new car you will notice 2 things. 1. The right lane is going slowly, usually below 60 m.p.h., filled with diesel trucks belching smoke in your face, diesel cars belching smoke in your face, and underpowered little hatchbacks and heavily loaded station wagons with bicycles on roof racks.

2. The left lane is moving quite quickly. A car doing 70 m.p.h. would be seriously blocking the left lane and subject to harassment by those behind him.

You can, if you're a totally gutless wimp lacking any reproductive capabilities whatsoever, stay in the right lane with the truckers, or you can signal left, put your foot down, and accelerate into a clear spot in the left lane. Keep an eye on the rear view mirror and side mirrors. It's clear? Move over. Foot to the floor. A car a long way back in the left lane flashes his lights twice when you signal?

Stay in the right lane till he passes. You're doing 80. He's doing 135.

When you get to the left lane go as fast as you dare, scan your mirrors every 5 seconds and look as far ahead as you can.

Resist the urge to stare at the car ahead. Look around him on curves. The autobahn is always curving, at least at 130+ itís a curve. The curves will determine your cruising speed as much as the traffic. How many Gs do you want to pull on a blind left-hand 130 m.p.h. bend? I tend to back off at half a G or so on a public road (the SLK Sport will do .8-1.0 G with street tires). Most American drivers abdicate all control at half a G, so their comfort level is much lower. Most won't do .1 G at 130. Germans driving Annoying Little Hatchbacks (ALH, see below), because of a lack of high-speed acceleration, will not slow at .75 Gs. They will, however, fall off the road at about .8 Gs.

The traffic in the right lane will NOT pull in front of you as it would in the US, so going fast in the left lane is relatively safe. The autobahns, per se, are as safe as U.S. freeways. The higher accident rates are on the back roads. When you see the secondary roads you'll understand why.

Only one Opel pulled in front of me doing 80 when I was doing 135. He did it with enough room that I could make the extremely powerful SLK Sport brakes do their thing with room to spare, but still I wished for fender-mounted Browning .30 cal. machine guns.

Another time an E-Class signaled left, and I double clicked the headlight flasher, and he stayed in the right lane until I was past. I was doing 120+. He wasn't.

There are 2 kinds of drivers in the left lane, those in front of you doing slower than you, and those behind you going faster.

BMWs are always driven aggressively, to the point one blew an engine chasing me in 1995. (Blowing an engine in a BMW is not difficult.) They're the only threat at 140+. Tailgating is their way of life. German BMW drivers are as rude and inconsiderate as American BMW drivers, the only difference being they can usually drive.

Below 135 are all of the ALHs, usually Golfs, driven in an on-off manner by absolute maniacs.

They lack acceleration at high speeds and top end is 135±, but they make up for it by never lifting. Prudence will cause all of the traffic to slow for rain/speed-limited areas/construction. The ALHs will continue at 135.

There are two choices. If you have the twin Brownings, shoot for the gas tank. Lacking that, LET THEM GO. If you try to follow them you will discover, a) they know the road, and b) they're insane. In 1995 with the SL500 I could occasionally find a spot I could do over 140 and lose them. With the increased traffic density of 1998, I didn't try.

This is most likely the end of an era. Traffic density in rural Germany is at 105-110% of capacity, and it's getting worse every day. As one German lady told me, "each family has 2 children. They have 4 cars. The days of 1 car per family are over." And she didn't even mention where the hell they park them. Don't EVER expect to find a parking place within the confines of Germany. If you do, and it's wider than 2 meters and longer than 3, expect a trap. We did manage to find parking places to all of the tourist locations, but sometimes they required a bus ride to the location.

I doubt driving fast gently early in its life will hurt a Mercedes engine. I've seen the factory test drivers at work flat out in 20 mile cars. If you feel differently, feel free to take it easy on the first autobahn section. I did. Because of traffic, I didn't exceed 125.

Automatic transmissioned cars should be left in D at this point, and downshifting either manually or using the kickdown, should be minimized.

If you have a sedan it will be governed to 130 m.p.h.. The bigger engined cars are loafing at that speed. The German versions are governed at 155, as are US SLs.

The SLK's top speed is 144, and there is some argument whether it is governed or not. Weather and traffic and an !@#$%&*! Opel kept me from verifying it this trip. It'll have to wait for West Texas.

Off the autobahn there are 3 speed limits:

Downtown: 30 KM.

City Limits: 50 KM.

Rural roads: 100 KM. An unmarked rural road is 100 KM.

All are widely ignored by the cars behind you and rigorously followed by the cars in front of you.

The cops don't seem to care. I've seen photo radar, which means nothing to someone on export plates as you'll be gone by the time they process the photos. The locals know where it is and don't speed there (and only there). If you see a Golf or a BMW slowing down, expect photo radar.

The Germans do NOT run red lights. Photo enforcement is part of the reason, but the average German driver is quite good by American standards. Getting a license is equivalent in cost and time to getting a junior college degree, and it can be taken away for non-driving offenses such as public drunkenness.

I talked to another couple picking up their car, and they had been rigorously observing the speed limit figuring that like their home state, the revenue collectors would be targeting those with "out of state," meaning export, plates. I explained to them the cops there don't seem to BE revenue collectors, but actual real cops, interested in investigating accidents and catching criminals. (What a concept!) Life in Germany is very regulated, and collecting fines on the highways isnít a high priority. I've never seen them with anyone pulled over in a ticket-like situation. If they do manage to pull you over for something, they will give you the choice of a nominal fine paid on the spot or a bigger one if found guilty by the judge. Pay them.

If you try to pass the car in front of you, you will no doubt encounter a 20 mile stretch of twisty, hilly roads with no straight lines and a solid line in the middle for the entire 20 miles.

This will not bother the guy behind you who will pass going uphill over a blind cresting curve. Then he will pull into a Gasthaus within a kilometer.

Let him go.

Drive within your comfort zone, perhaps at the upper end if you want to GET anywhere.

From Sindelfingen to the Bühlerhöhe near Baden-Baden is 2 hours. Driven like a madman in a fast SLK it is 1:45. Relax, enjoy the scenery. The Swartswalderhöhe-strasse is typical of the roads you will be on for the rest of the week, but wider and less crowded than some.

We had a stick shift SLK. Only the SLK is available in stick shift. In cars with the 5-speed adaptive automatic, I would probably keep the shifter in 4 on the rural roads, the "sporty-driving" position for faster response in downshifting than in D. In the big V-8 cars, SL500s, E430s, this probably isn't necessary as they have enough torque to squirt around mobile chicanes quickly.

In the SLK we were in second and third gear a lot, going to 4th mostly on the autobahn and 5th only when there was NO chance of passing or when, on the autobahn, we were above 118 m.p.h..

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