From All of us at Castle Rich, the Merriest of Christmases and a better New Year
©2003 May not be reproduced in any form without written permission of the author. This includes publishing at other websites.
DR. Greg O'Neill picked up his SL600 on European Delivery and was able to put 1100 miles on it in Europe before having it shipped here. Euro Delivery is THE way to pick up your MB if you can do it.
Occasionally someone will ask "Why would anyone buy one of those things?" pointing to a G500. I would imagine that the owner of this one will have an answer for that question. An ordinary vehicle in this much water is in trouble, with internal flooding and electrical damage. A Gelendewagen isn't. November 17, 2003. Houston had been 3 inches behind in annual rainfall. In the space of a few hours it caught up and wound up 4 inches ahead.
THE TRUTH ABOUT CRASH TESTS
Mercedes-Benz has set itself the goal of building the safest cars in their class. Especially as far as passive safety is concerned, it deliberately pursues an integral concept designed to provide excellent all-around protection for vehicle occupants, but also a reasonable level of compatibility with other vehicles on the road. In this way we show responsibility for the safety of road traffic as a whole and make a real contribution towards preventing casualties.
Innovations that have caught on
A whole range of technical developments designed to improve passive safety, which are now largely taken for granted in the automotive industry, originate from Mercedes-Benz. These include:
· Body with rigid passenger compartment and defined crumple zones
· Deformable steering column (to prevent intrusion into the interior).
· Supplemental restraint system including front airbags, emergency tensioning retractors and knee bolsters.
· Integrated belt force limiter for front seat belts.
· Automatic child seat recognition for the front passenger seat.
· Automatic rollover bar (SL, CLK Cabriolet)
· Integral seat with integrated belt system (SL, CL)
Safety to international standards
Mercedes-Benz is present in virtually all markets around the world. Each model series meets all safety standards applicable worldwide.
Real accidents as a benchmark
But Mercedes-Benz doesn't just follow legal requirements; it goes a step further. Vehicle structure and restraint systems have a balanced design to provide a minimum risk of injury in the most common accident situations. A special department for accident research that Mercedes-Benz set up back in 1969 supplies the necessary basic knowledge. Up to 300 crash tests are carried out every day in Sindelfingen.
Yesterday's Mercedes standard is today's law
Mercedes-Benz has repeatedly given decisive new impetus to improving passive safety. One example is the offset crash test, first with a rigid barrier from 1979 and then with a deformable barrier from 1992. This realistic test procedure developed by Mercedes-Benz in the early 90s was used as the basis for the European crash test.
But still not always top of the class
A manufacturer that goes to so much trouble should really come out on top on every test. But the Mercedes-Benz safety philosophy is not aimed primarily at test results, but providing vehicle occupants with as much protection as possible in real-life accident situations. The result is that Mercedes-Benz vehicles do not always finish first in individual tests - especially those that have no real world merit.
We'll try to explain the different crash tests and how
Mercedes-Benz safety research rates these tests with regard to their relevance
to real-life accidents.
NOT ALL CRASH TESTS ARE THE SAME
A crash test in controlled conditions helps to determine how a vehicle will behave in a collision. We distinguish between three types of crash tests:
· Mercedes-Benz safety research tests
· Legally required crash tests which every vehicle has to pass.
· So-called "rating tests", performed by independent institutes, associations or magazines according to their own criteria.
The following criteria are also checked: How well does the body convert impact energy into deformation? What acceleration forces act on occupants? To what extent are intrusions of vehicle components into the passenger compartment prevented?
Legally required tests which every vehicle has to pass
Two crash tests above all are specified in order to verify a vehicle's occupant protection: frontal and side crashes. Criteria for these tests specified in either Europe or the US apply practically all over the world. One important feature of all legally required crash tests are the acceleration forces acting on the occupants which are not allowed to exceed a specified limit.
Ratings with wide-ranging results
A number of institutions have developed test procedures which in certain cases are more demanding or different from the compulsory tests. These are known as rating tests. In order to make it easier to compare the occupant protection of vehicles tested, results are evaluated according to a simple points system. Consumers can then choose between vehicles based upon point ratings.
The result depends on the method.
Some of the rating tests are based on the institutes' own test procedures and evaluation criteria. In some cases, results are even interpreted and weighted differently.
This means that results are not fully comparable and not all rating test procedures and evaluations are scientifically founded. Their results are therefore only meaningful up to a certain point.
Incomplete simulation
No single crash test provides a comprehensive appraisal of a vehicle's passive safety. It simulates a very specific accident situation which only represents a small fraction of the large number of possible accident situations.
Safety in touch with reality
The aim of vehicle development at Mercedes-Benz therefore
is not to design cars according to individual test criteria, but to produce
an all-around safety concept which offers maximum occupant protection in
as many conceivable types of accidents as possible, at the same time providing
compatibility with other road users. Every Mercedes-Benz car is therefore
subjected to a test procedure which simulates a wide range of actual accident
situations as realistically as possible.
BASIC PRINCIPLES FOR DESIGNING VEHICLE STRUCTURE
"Hard" vehicle structure
If the vehicle structure is extremely hard, the occupant cell is largely preserved, but the occupants can be exposed to extremely high loads. Before Mercedes-Benz developed the safety body with clearly defined crumple zones in 1951, all cars were designed the same way. In short, they were as rigid as tanks and therefore lethal in heavy collisions.
"Soft" vehicle structure
In principle a soft vehicle structure reduces the occupant stress load. This, however, depends on the occupant cell not being used as part of the crumple zone. Vehicles which, by virtue of their soft structure, allow deformation as far as the occupant cell when crashing into a barrier with full overlap may achieve outstanding low occupant stress loads in this kind of crash but do not provide the necessary safety reserves in offset crashes which are more common in reality.
Mercedes-Benz philosophy of structural design
The real art is to develop structural concepts which withstand the wide range of loads experienced in real accident situations. In other words, they should only permit deformation if it does not cause damage to the occupant cell. At the same time, occupant stress loads must remain bearable even in heavy collisions. According to the Mercedes-Benz philosophy, consideration of as wide a range of accident types as possible takes priority over top marks in any individual type of test.
Some Examples of different vehicle structures in a frontal crash with 100% and 40% overlap with the obstacle:
Hard Vehicle Structure:
Full Frontal Crash
Deformation: Low
Acceleration: High
Occupant stress load: Extreme
40% Overlap
Deformation: Low
Acceleration: High
Occupant stress load: Extreme
Soft Vehicle Structure:
Full Frontal Crash
Deformation: High
Acceleration: Low
Occupant stress load: Low
40% Overlap
Deformation: Extreme
Acceleration: Low
Occupant Stress Load: Extreme
Mercedes-Benz Structural Concept:
Full Frontal Crash
Deformation: Average
Acceleration: Average
Occupant stress load: Acceptable
40% Overlap
Deformation: Average
Acceleration: Average
Occupant stress load: Acceptable.
THE AMERICAN WAY
American regulations have always had a clear emphasis: the load experienced by the occupants in a collision is a primary concern.
The Classic full frontal crash:
The important US TEST "Standard 208" against a rigid barrier measures whether the forces experienced by the dummies in the head, chest, and thigh regions are within the specified limits.
A touch of reality
In addition to the simple frontal crash, US legislation stipulates a version in which the vehicle is crashed against a rigid barrier positioned at a 30° angle.
A realistic side crash
The side crash specified in the US uses a deformable barrier. The test measures whether the load experienced by occupants in the chest and pelvic regions is within the legal limit. A special SID (Side Impact Dummy) is used to measure loads.
Special emphasis on the tank
The US is particularly concerned about the integrity of the fuel tank system. This is checked in an additional rear-end crash test and a side impact at an angle of 90°. A particularly heavy rigid barrier weighing 3,999 lbs is used in each case.
Tests:
Full frontal crash against a rigid barrier.
· Impact speed 30 mph
· Vehicle with two occupants and measuring sensors
Assessment criteria:
· Occupant stress load
· Leakage from fuel system
· Vehicle structure
What Mercedes thinks:
A test introduced back in 1965 which, due to modern restraint systems, is not especially demanding by today's standards. It is used in the US to test passive restraint systems (i.e. without manual seat belt.)
Frontal crash at a rigid barrier at an angle of 30°
· Speed 30 mph
· Vehicle with two occupants and measuring sensors
Assessment criteria:
· Occupant stress load
· Leakage from fuel system
· Vehicle structure.
What Mercedes thinks:
This test is a first attempt to achieve realistic deformation behavior. However, the disadvantage of this test procedure is that the car body glances off the barrier. This means that the test does not fully replicate the situation in a real accident. Once again, no great demands are made of the vehicle structure.
Side impact with a moving deformable barrier at an angle of 27° to the longitudinal axis of the barrier.
· Impact speed of 33.5 mph
· Weight of barrier 3,013 lb.
· Vehicle with two occupants and measuring sensors
Assessment criteria:
· Occupant stress load
· Leakage from fuel system
· Rescue behavior (opening the door)
What Mercedes thinks:
This test was introduced in 1993. The use of a sideways moving barrier is supposed to simulate the collision between two moving vehicles. Compared with the Euro side impact, a different side impact dummy (US SID) is used, which, for example, requires different measures from the Euro SID.
Side impact with a rigid barrier against a stationary vehicle.
· Impact speed 19.8 mph
· Weight of barrier 3,999 lbs.
· Vehicle with two occupants and measuring sensors
Assessment criteria
· Leakage from the fuel system
· Vehicle structure
What Mercedes thinks:
This side test for checking whether the fuel tank leaks has no relevance to real accident situations.
Rear-end crash with a rigid barrier against the stationary vehicle.
· Impact speed 30 mph
· Weight of barrier 3,999 lbs.
· Vehicle with two occupants and measuring sensors.
Assessment criteria
· Leakage from the fuel system
· Vehicle structure
What Mercedes thinks:
The use of a rigid barrier with a large impact area means that this crash test is also unrealistic and does not allow any accurate conclusions to be drawn as to the vehicle's actual behavior in a rear impact.
US NCAP:
(New Car Assessment Program)-developed by the US National Highway Traffic Safety Administration back in 1978. It is based on just a few relatively simple assessment criteria. The aim of this program is to compare the occupant protection of new vehicles and to make this information accessible to the consumer.
It is largely based on the legally required procedures in the US. The vehicles are, however, crashed at much higher speeds than in Euro tests. This is quite simply a test of extremes and is suited above all to evaluating restraint systems.
· Full frontal crash against a rigid barrier.
· Impact speed 34.7 mph.
· Two dummies with measuring sensors.
Assessment Criteria:
· Occupant stress load evaluated separately for driver and front passenger
· Evaluation system with 1-5 stars.
What Mercedes thinks
This first rating test which was introduced back in 1978 is a tough restraint system test which does not really ask much of the vehicle structure. The risk of injury is evaluated based on just two measuring criteria, head and chest acceleration, which, in our opinion, does not allow any conclusions to be drawn about the overall risk of injury. In the past, a number of vehicles designed in accordance with this test (soft structure) were noted for their poor offset results.
USSINCAP
· Side impact with a moving deformable barrier at an angle of 27° to the longitudinal axis of the barrier.
· Impact speed 37.9 mph
· Weight of barrier 3,013 lbs.
· Two dummies with measuring sensors
Assessment Criteria
· Separate evaluation for driver and rear passenger
· Evaluation system with 1-5 stars.
What Mercedes thinks:
Like the frontal crash, this legally required test is carried out at a higher impact speed. Only chest acceleration is measured. A good rating can be achieved with the help of measures specifically for this body region.
IIHS (Insurance Institute for Highway Safety) The IIHS has been performing its own frontal offset crash since 1995. The test procedure is exactly the same as for the Euro NCAP test, but very different assessment criteria are applied.
· Frontal crash with 40% overlap against a deformable barrier.
· Impact speed 39.7 mph
· One dummy with measuring sensors
· Bumper test at 5 mph
· Head restraint measurement
Assessment criteria
· Individual and overall evaluation of occupant stress load, occupant kinematics, vehicle structure, bumper, and head restraints
· 4 evaluation grades (good, acceptable, below average, poor) similar to 1-4 stars
· The best in the comparison test receive a special recommendation (best pick)
What Mercedes thinks:
The actual offset crash is much the same as the Euro NCAP test. As well as the frontal crash, a total of 4 bumper tests are carried out at 5 mph, and the head restraints are evaluated. Taking account of the score for different interpretations of dummy measurement, the frontal impact evaluation is realistic.
FOCUS ON REALITY
It is not that difficult to design a vehicle to ensure that it passes certain crash tests with flying colors. Although this would produce excellent results in crash tests, it wouldn't mean a high level of safety in actuality. This is one reason why Mercedes-Benz is not primarily interested in individual crash test results, but is continually working to design the passive safety of its vehicles in line with real-life accident situations. The statistical evaluation of real-life accidents by our internal accident research department provides the basis for our internal crash tests.
Theory and Practice
At best, any given test can only simulate a specific accident situation in certain conditions. Yet the effect of kinetic energy on vehicle deformation and occupant stress load depends on a whole series of different factors. A collision between a heavy sedan and a compact car, for example, is a completely different story from a crash involving two vehicles weighing the same.
Faster is not always better
A good test result achieved at high speed might make the client feel safer, but a vehicle that has been designed specifically to pass these test conditions is bound to have a particularly rigid front end. In other words, safety for one vehicle is bought at the expense of a higher risk of injury for other road users.
Resolving conflicting aims
Modern vehicles have to be compact on the outside, but offer plenty of space inside. They should cushion peak acceleration gently in a collision (energy-absorbing front end), but prevent intrusions into their interior (rigid occupant cell). They should be lightweight, but resist loads in a side impact. Such conflicting aims call for a balanced concept that provides maximum occupant protection in as many different situations as possible.
All-around protection with a sense of realism
The development goal at Mercedes-Benz is balanced all-around protection for maximum possible safety in all accident situations put together. We also place special emphasis on protection for other road users, thus demonstrating the considerable responsibility we feel for general road safety. The result of this safety philosophy is that in comparison tests under laboratory conditions that stimulate a very specific accident situation, Mercedes-Benz vehicles do not always come away with top marks. But they are able to offer their occupants a high level of all-around passive safety in the real world of road traffic.
Far more than required
Before the client takes delivery of the first Mercedes-Benz in a new series, dozens of vehicles will have already been through situations that he or she will hopefully never experience. These include not only all the legally required test procedures and rating tests, but also numerous practical tests that verify the safety of a Mercedes-Benz in real-life accident situations.
Compatibility cannot be simulated
The barrier impact test is not an adequate means of simulating what happens when two vehicles of different sizes and weights crash into each other. Every Mercedes-Benz model series is therefore subjected to a compatibility test involving another vehicle. This is an established part of the Mercedes-Benz safety philosophy.
Head-on into a tree
Point-shaped obstacles such as trees or lamp posts are not included in any legally required test procedure. Mercedes-Benz therefore performs special side and front crashes to examine its vehicles' structural safety in these extremely tough, but by no means unusual conditions.
A matter of design
Protection for pedestrians and cyclists depends first and foremost on a vehicle's external contour. Mercedes-Benz therefore checks whether its vehicles meet the necessary requirements for reducing the injury risk as far as possible.
TESTS FROM THE MERCEDES-BENZ TEST PROGRAM:
Vehicle/Vehicle crash
· Frontal crash with approx. 50% overlap.
Assessment criteria
· Compatibility
· Structural rigidity
· Real deformation behavior
· Occupant stress load
· Leakage from fuel system
What Mercedes Thinks:
This type of test produces the most realistic results of all. Mercedes-Benz developed the offset impact with a deformable barrier based on the results of this test and findings from real-life accident situations.
Center-post impact
· Frontal crash against a solid post
Assessment Criteria:
· Structural rigidity
· Restraint system
· Leakage from fuel system.
What Mercedes thinks:
This type of accident is relatively common in real life. The point-shaped load is particularly difficult for the vehicle structure to withstand.
Rear Impact
· Rear-end collision with a deformable barrier.
Assessment criteria:
· Structural rigidity
· Intrusions into the interior
· Leakage from fuel system
· Occupant stress load
What Mercedes thinks:
Realistic simulation of the common rear-end collision with the aid of a deformable barrier.
Vehicle Rollover
Assessment Criteria:
· Rigidity of occupant cell
· Occupant rescue.
What Mercedes thinks:
It is a practical test of structural rigidity and is supplemented by a roof drop test to check roof structure strength.
External Safety
· Collision with pedestrians and cyclists
Assessment Criteria:
Risk of injury for pedestrians and cyclists/motorcyclists.
What Mercedes thinks:
These realistic tests check measures designed to help reduce
injury severity to pedestrians.
PROOF
I was planning on writing a piece explaining what all of that testing philosophy meant to you and me, people who trust their lives to Mercedes-Benz every day, but this article did it better (Condensed).
Posted Fri., Nov 14, 2003
2 dead, 4 injured in Los Altos crash
By Chuck Carroll, Mercury News
Two women were killed and four people were injured in a two-SUV rollover crash on Highway 280 in Los Altos Thursday night.
All the victims are from San Jose.
A 19-year-old female driving an Isuzu Rodeo with four passengers apparently lost control of her vehicle as she traveled south on 280 just south of El Monte Road before 7 p.m. The Rodeo struck the Mercedes sport utility vehicle driven by a 27-year-old woman, causing both SUVs to tumble like a pair of dice.
A 16-year-old female passenger in the Isuzu, who was not wearing a seat belt, died at the scene after being ejected from the vehicle. The 19-year-old driver, who was buckled up, also died. The other passengers, a 32-year-old female, a 34-year-old male and an 18-year-old male were treated for minor injuries.
The driver of the Mercedes did not seek hospital treatment. (Emphasis added, CRR)
MISC. RAVINGS
"There is one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he's crooked."
-Old Vaquero Saying
Subject: Kudos
Curt, sometimes we often don't say it enough. Thanks for the wonderful service you provide by producing your superb newsletter. Two asides, one as a soldier, I am especially thankful for the patriotism that exudes often in your words. Second, as a pet owner ( we have had two -three dogs) for twenty years your anecdotes and kernels of pet wisdom bring joy to my heart.
Again, thanks for a wonderful newsletter. Keep the great work up.
Wes Weiner
Colonel, U.S. Army
(You, too, Colonel.)
Touareg towing woes
(from AutoWeek) Volkswagen has pulled television and print advertising depicting its Touareg sport/utility vehicle pulling an Airstream trailer that exceeds the vehicle's tongue weight limit. Though the Touareg can tow a 7700-pound trailer, a VW spokesperson said the ad folks didn't check tongue weight, limited to 616 pounds. After an Airstream-owning Touareg buyer brought the problem to VW's attention, the company pulled the ads, bought back the buyer's Touareg, and sent a letter to all Touareg buyers notifying them of the advertising faux pas. "It was our marketing department that made the mistake, not our engineers," said the VW spokesperson.
Diane Sawyer on Heroism
"Somebody said every 19 year old kid who gets into a truck and drives to a war is a hero."
Can't argue with that, Diane, but then what do you call someone who jumps out of an airplane over enemy territory at night? What do you call a fighter pilot who straps on an airplane and flies hundreds of miles into enemy territory? What do you call someone who does it off a carrier and has to find and land on that carrier in the dark no matter what the seas? What do you call a pointman who leads his platoon through minefield and booby-trapped jungles? What do you call a LRRP who goes deep into enemy territory in 6 man teams? What do you call someone who jumps into a hot LZ? What do you call a medic who crawls through fire to rescue wounded men? What do you call the 22 year old nurses who patch them up and try to put their broken bodies together again? (A lot of those of us who have done some of those things pretty much limited the term to that last group. They're certainly our heroes.)
Combat Vets and Cats
"By the way, the three legged feral cat that I told you about is beginning to trust me. I put out fresh food three times a day, and he is now waiting for me at 06:30 when I fill his bowl. He will let me get to within three feet before he moves off a little ways. He even `talks' to me when I feed him. I made him a safe, warm little hut, but he wouldn't get in it, so I took the top off so he could see all around him. He now sleeps in it, proving to this combat vet that this cat is also a combat vet of some sort. (He seems to like a 360 degree field of fire!) Charlene still does not understand why I am trying to help this poor little wild cat. Oh well, she did say that combat vets are strange, we worry about little animals and children."
Earl Long (Korean War combat vet)
Browning's Ramp
Browning has reached a distinguished age among dogs. He can no longer jump up on the bed. Instead he barks impatiently to be picked up. Foolishly I thought the solution would be to build a ramp.so he could climb up himself. I revived my long dormant woodworking skills (went to college to avoid being a carpenter like my uncles) and built a fancy ramp. Browning, after much coaxing, would climb up it, but only to get a treat. When he wanted on the bed, he would walk around it and bark, and I bumped into it in the night. Next plan
Important People
(This came from an executive secretary)
A big corporation recently hired several cannibals. "You are all part of our team," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees."
The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals all shook their heads no.
After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand raised hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool!!! For four weeks we've been eating Managers and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat someone important!"
Travel Story
The nice man from the TSA, after inspecting my bags, kindly put cable ties on all of the zippers of the big duffel bag. I was traveling to the annual Single Action Shooting Society Convention. For that affair one needs 4 days of old west attire, especially if one is giving the authentic costumes seminar (and going to the party as a Confederate Colonel). Thus the big bag.
Of course, in the big bag was my vicious, airline disapproved 1" Swiss Army knife I needed to open the bag. It was, of course, on the wrong side of the cable tie. Thus The Redhead was quite amused to walk into our room and find me opening a cable tie with my Confederate Staff Officer's Sword.:
Last Minute Gift Idea:
Harbor Freight has a cheap, Chinese copy of the Life Hammer for $2.49, item 46241-1VGA. That brings it down to stocking stuffer price. For those of you unfamiliar with the Life Hammer, it's a little hammer for breaking auto glass with a protected blade for cutting seatbelts. Its use is getting you or someone else out of wreckage or a car that has mimicked a submarine.
Reindeer
(This came from an old friend, a woman)
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers until they give birth in the Spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a GIRL.
We should've known. ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-assed man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost!
Happy Holidays
This has been another tough year, going into our third in which we knew we were at war. The enemy already knew it, of course. Americans are dying as this is being written to assure that there is not another September 11 and that the American way of life will continue on this earth despite the assaults from abroad and ashore. If they are allowed to do their jobs and given the tools and equipment with which to do them, I have no doubt they are capable of fulfilling that mission.
I have spent 3 Christmases on foreign soil, sometimes in harm's way. There are worse places to spend Christmas. America is the finest place in the history of the world and is worth fighting and dying for. It is worth spending Christmas on foreign soil and in harm's way.
To those of you on foreign soil I wish you Godspeed to again be with your loved ones and the certain knowledge that you are doing the right thing, and that the people at home support and love you.
To those of you with loved ones in harm's way I wish that you may have your loved one home safely at the end of his tour of duty.
And to everyone, Happy Holidays. Peace on Earth. Good will
toward men.
Curt Rich December 2003
Cat Road Rage
Report from Iraq on the President's Thanksgiving Day visit.
TEXANS
(from an e-mail)
Things I have learned about Texas:
Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with all four feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live Texas, plus a few no one has ever seen before.
Raccoons will test your melon crop and let you know when they are ripe.
If it grows, it will stick you. If it crawls, it will bite you!
Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.
There are valid reasons some people put razor wire around their house.
A tractor is NOT an all terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
The wind blows at 90 mph from Oct 2 till June 25, then it stops totally until October 2.
Onced and twiced are words.
Coldbeer is one word.
People actually grow and eat okra.
Green grass DOES burn.
When you live in the country you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your front gate in the middle of the night.
The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first few weeks.
When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to see the doctor.
Fix-in-to is one word.
A TANK is a dirt hole that holds water for irrigation, watering the cows, or swimming .
There ain't no such thing as "lunch." There is only dinner and then there's supper.
"Sweetened ice tea" is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you are two.
Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "did you eat?"
You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
You Know you are from Texas if:
1. You measure distance in minutes.
2. You've ever had to switch for "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
3. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.
4. You see a car with the engine running in the Wal-mart parking lot with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
5. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixin' to go to the store (note: in the example, "fix-in-to" is one word).
6. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or a vegetable
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables for your own car.
9. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.
10. You only have four spices in your kitchen: Salt, Pepper, Catsup, and Tabasco.
11. You think everyone from north of Dallas has an accent.
12. You think sexy underwear is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
13. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but requires six pages to cover Friday night high school
football.
14. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
15. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
16. You find 100 degrees a "tad" warm.
17. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
18. You know whether another Texan is from East, West, North, or South Texas as soon as he opens his mouth.
19. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin Wal-Martin" or "off to Wally-world."
20. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.
21. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop....It's a Coke regardless of brand or flavor.
22. You understand these jokes.
BUY A DOG
If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section
Buy a dog.
If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you
Buy a dog.
If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says its not quite as good as his mother made it
Buy a dog
If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want
Buy a dog.
If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't give a s??? about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies
Buy a dog.
If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores
Buy a dog.
If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually
Buy a dog.
But, on the other hand, If you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness...........
Then my friend, Buy a cat!
(You thought I was talking about men didn't you!)